Its wierd that when my mind could't think clearly, I found a way of expressing 'un-clearliness' in words.
Numerous thoughts are born in my mind
Some bright and luminous, my shiny stars –
Some dark and gloomy, death agent kind
What is worse, is they have voices
They speak and scream – all at once -
The bad bullies shout aloud,
The good fellows in gentle sounds
Like a child in village fair - I am lost in this noisy crowd
Whom should I look up to? Who should I hear?
I am so tired, momma put me to sleep.
This grown-up chaos, I can’t bear.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Relating...
I attended this session on relationships this Friday at the Agilent "Life is Beautiful" initiative. It’s not that I have come back as a transformed person, for most of the things discussed were the cliché gyana we all have. Its rather a question of intent to implement than to know. And the session surely sprouted a keen intent in me to summarize the experience. Follows:
Imbalance in life comes from stress and low (and sometimes no) emphasis on interpersonal relationships. When we think of relationships, a plenty of them come to mind: parents, brother, sister, cousins, friends, wife’s parents, second cousins, friends, colleagues, customers and so forth. What about our relationship with self?
Emphasis! of all the relationships we are born with or we make, the most important is the relationship with self. All of us carry our universe around ourselves. I, me, myself, my - perhaps these are the most used words. When self is the most important person in our lives, then how is it that we can choose to not-to-be-in-harmony with self? The next question I ask is how do I relate better with self? To help myself understand myself better, I ask myself some questions:
What is my ultimate goal in life? What is and who is important to me? What is it that gives me maximum contentment? What is it that is my strength? What is it that I fear?
What is it that I need to develop to move closer to my goals? Am I spreading happiness around? What am I doing for the people I care about? Am I making a positive difference to somebody’s life?
It seems easy on the surface, but these are the most difficult questions to answer. People spend their life times and they realize in the end that they were never related to themselves as much as they were related to their jobs and their responsibilities. The importance of this emphasis on relating with self can be very easily summarized by quoting Oscar Wilde when he said “I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly”.
The other important relationships are the ones we have with the significant others. Who are these significant others? These are the people who have maximum impact upon the way we are and our life is. These are spouse, parents (extended parents), siblings and children. Besides them, the significant other can be any person who affects us heavily.
So what do we do to establish harmonious relations with all these important people? To be honest it is no herculean task. There are some important ingredients to successful relationships and most of us are aware of them. For the sake of summarization, these are:
Communicating it right: two important powers are to be understood for communicating successfully viz. power of listening without judgement and power of active expression.
Expression: its important to have and to give the right to express freely (which also includes constructive criticism)
Problem Solving: to solve one problem at a time and solving it without being biased by past problems is one way to fighting fair.
Compromise: our culture teaches us a lot about compromise and we do a lot. Compromise is a necessary evil. But I must say that it should come from within and not be forced on self. As a halfhearted or unwilling compromise can strike back like a boomrang.
Sense of Humour: nothing is as impactful as well-timed humour. Who doesn't like the company of a humorous person?
Forgiving and Acknowledging Mistakes: although its difficult but we must forgive without being boastful. Acknowledging our mistakes cures half of the problems.
Self awareness and Self Enhancement: its important to know self. And it is more important to act for enhancing self. It is no hidden mystery that diagnosis of the disease is not cure, but curing is.
Appreciation: appreciating others (and self too) for a deed done good is far better than rebuking for a mistake. Like begets like.
Acknowledgement: it is important to acknowledge other’s efforts even if they are not that successful.
However, the most important is the genuine intent to do all this. We must not forget that the intent reflects in the body language. It is quite evident that all the above mentioned factors are impossible if there is no Honesty and no Faith. Also, these are impossible to acheive if we don't give regular time to them (time to self to sleep properly, time to self to think about, time to self to pursue interests, time to significant others to build and enhance relationships).
Organizations spend millions in CRM and SRM to reap the benefits of good relationships. Can’t we spend some genuine intention and hours to establish better relationships with self and surroundings?
After all, Life is beautiful…and only I make it so!!!
(the speaker of the session was Dr. Bhawna Barmi, a very respected clinical psychologist http://www.zoominfo.com/Search/PersonDetail.aspx?PersonID=83807312)
Imbalance in life comes from stress and low (and sometimes no) emphasis on interpersonal relationships. When we think of relationships, a plenty of them come to mind: parents, brother, sister, cousins, friends, wife’s parents, second cousins, friends, colleagues, customers and so forth. What about our relationship with self?
Emphasis! of all the relationships we are born with or we make, the most important is the relationship with self. All of us carry our universe around ourselves. I, me, myself, my - perhaps these are the most used words. When self is the most important person in our lives, then how is it that we can choose to not-to-be-in-harmony with self? The next question I ask is how do I relate better with self? To help myself understand myself better, I ask myself some questions:
What is my ultimate goal in life? What is and who is important to me? What is it that gives me maximum contentment? What is it that is my strength? What is it that I fear?
What is it that I need to develop to move closer to my goals? Am I spreading happiness around? What am I doing for the people I care about? Am I making a positive difference to somebody’s life?
It seems easy on the surface, but these are the most difficult questions to answer. People spend their life times and they realize in the end that they were never related to themselves as much as they were related to their jobs and their responsibilities. The importance of this emphasis on relating with self can be very easily summarized by quoting Oscar Wilde when he said “I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly”.
The other important relationships are the ones we have with the significant others. Who are these significant others? These are the people who have maximum impact upon the way we are and our life is. These are spouse, parents (extended parents), siblings and children. Besides them, the significant other can be any person who affects us heavily.
So what do we do to establish harmonious relations with all these important people? To be honest it is no herculean task. There are some important ingredients to successful relationships and most of us are aware of them. For the sake of summarization, these are:
Communicating it right: two important powers are to be understood for communicating successfully viz. power of listening without judgement and power of active expression.
Expression: its important to have and to give the right to express freely (which also includes constructive criticism)
Problem Solving: to solve one problem at a time and solving it without being biased by past problems is one way to fighting fair.
Compromise: our culture teaches us a lot about compromise and we do a lot. Compromise is a necessary evil. But I must say that it should come from within and not be forced on self. As a halfhearted or unwilling compromise can strike back like a boomrang.
Sense of Humour: nothing is as impactful as well-timed humour. Who doesn't like the company of a humorous person?
Forgiving and Acknowledging Mistakes: although its difficult but we must forgive without being boastful. Acknowledging our mistakes cures half of the problems.
Self awareness and Self Enhancement: its important to know self. And it is more important to act for enhancing self. It is no hidden mystery that diagnosis of the disease is not cure, but curing is.
Appreciation: appreciating others (and self too) for a deed done good is far better than rebuking for a mistake. Like begets like.
Acknowledgement: it is important to acknowledge other’s efforts even if they are not that successful.
However, the most important is the genuine intent to do all this. We must not forget that the intent reflects in the body language. It is quite evident that all the above mentioned factors are impossible if there is no Honesty and no Faith. Also, these are impossible to acheive if we don't give regular time to them (time to self to sleep properly, time to self to think about, time to self to pursue interests, time to significant others to build and enhance relationships).
Organizations spend millions in CRM and SRM to reap the benefits of good relationships. Can’t we spend some genuine intention and hours to establish better relationships with self and surroundings?
After all, Life is beautiful…and only I make it so!!!
(the speaker of the session was Dr. Bhawna Barmi, a very respected clinical psychologist http://www.zoominfo.com/Search/PersonDetail.aspx?PersonID=83807312)
Monday, June 9, 2008
Vista Point
Each one of us experiences life in different formats. A business tycoon, a politico, a movie star, a white collar executive, a small time merchant, a daily wage earner, a house hold help, a roadside beggar; think of anyone from any walk of life and from any social stratum. Irrespective of where we come from and who we are, we all are transiting through this journey called life. Amazingly, we all are studying the same chapters but each of us is trying to derive our own formula of life.
I have also derived my own formula. To me life is a beautiful concoction of Dreams, Ambition, Challenge, and Love. Moving one step further, I can say that all these elements are equally important to create a fulfilling life experience. All the spices and minus none are required to create the magic 'masala' powder for the perfect curry.
My dreams give me a reason to look forward to the future with anticipation and to live. Ambition is another manifestation of my dreams, but a bit more radical in its approach. Challenge is what keeps this process interesting. It is like a waterfall in the river of endeavor. I wonder how magnificent a river can be if there were no waterfalls? Niagra river may be breath-taking but its the Niagra falls that send adrenalin rushing through the blood vessels and a biting chill down the spine. And Love? Love is the greatest enabler, the force I reckon with. I wonder what would I be if I were to have no love. I firmly believe that those who are incapable of loving are incapable of doing anything else. In veneration of love, I feel enchanted to quote St. Paul when he says:
"I may be able to speak languages of men
and even of angels.
But if I have no love,
my speech is no more than
a noisy gong or clanging bell.
I may have gifts of inspired preaching.
I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets;
I may have all the faith
to move mountains -
But if I have no love -
I am nothing."
I have also derived my own formula. To me life is a beautiful concoction of Dreams, Ambition, Challenge, and Love. Moving one step further, I can say that all these elements are equally important to create a fulfilling life experience. All the spices and minus none are required to create the magic 'masala' powder for the perfect curry.
My dreams give me a reason to look forward to the future with anticipation and to live. Ambition is another manifestation of my dreams, but a bit more radical in its approach. Challenge is what keeps this process interesting. It is like a waterfall in the river of endeavor. I wonder how magnificent a river can be if there were no waterfalls? Niagra river may be breath-taking but its the Niagra falls that send adrenalin rushing through the blood vessels and a biting chill down the spine. And Love? Love is the greatest enabler, the force I reckon with. I wonder what would I be if I were to have no love. I firmly believe that those who are incapable of loving are incapable of doing anything else. In veneration of love, I feel enchanted to quote St. Paul when he says:
"I may be able to speak languages of men
and even of angels.
But if I have no love,
my speech is no more than
a noisy gong or clanging bell.
I may have gifts of inspired preaching.
I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets;
I may have all the faith
to move mountains -
But if I have no love -
I am nothing."
Friday, May 16, 2008
Contradictions of life (that drive me crazy)...
During a casual exchange about my previous post (ToI is eroding my faith on scientific research), it was brought to my notice that there is so much contradicting content being published everyday. That was about everyday discoveries in the arena of scientific research. However, a deeper cognitive dive would reveal that there lies enough contradiction around us sometimes obvious and sometimes very subtle. I dedicate this post to some of these observations in India (some of them may be true elsewhere too):
1. Although, most of us are ardent supporters of free speech, but we easily get offended if the other person speaks about our own shortcomings.
If free speech is about honest opinion then why do we compel our innocuous speakers (people we converse with) to be politically correct all the time?
2. The same guy who fasts 9 days and climbs bare feet to the Mata Vaishnodevi Shrine every season religiously, misses no opportunity to harass women around him.
Why do they worship female forms made up of stone and plaster when they don't have any reverence for the actual living woman? If you can't rever her as a woman then atleast give her the status of a human being.
3. We teach our children about truthfulness, originality, respect for elders, social responsibility, and other supposedly moral ways of living and everyday provide them an absolutely contradictory life experience at home, school, and at play.
Why do we teach them of truthfulness when we lie blatantly in front of them? Why do we teach them about brotherhood and respect for elders when we fight with our kin over property issues and other unimportant things? Why do we teach them social responsibility when we litter on roads, streets, parks, everyday? Are not we growing up a confused generation who would ultimately learn to not to trust us?
4. In suburban Gurgaon, host to numerous (and almost most of the prime) MNC, KPO, BPO, R&D operations, data travels @ 9.6 Gbits/sec across continents, but vehicular traffic crawls @ not more than 20-30 kmph (its not uncommon for it to jam completely at peak hours.)
We help run businesses across the globe, but fail to build sustanable & empowering transportation (to make it even worse we fail to imbibe civic traffic sense.) We speak their [our global counterparts] language, but fail to learn certain good values from them. We sell our hardwork to them, but don't buy their cultural strengths (which come @zero investment.)
5. Beauty lies skin deep, in a healthy body, in strength of character, and in the beholders eyes, yet color cosmetic brands, plastic surgeons, crash diet consultants, and anorexic models are a multibillion $ and growing industry.
Why don't we invest wisely in long term benefit plans?
6. Kids and elders need our time, attention, and care, we offer them financial benefits.
As they grow, kids witness perplexing events around themselves everyday, and they need someone to explain things as they are and why they are. As they grow old, elders have lots of observations to share with us as they are and why they are. Sometimes these questions and observations are impertinent to the daily life pressures we face as adults. But, kids are investments and elders are treasures. Why don't we take care of these garrulous yet amazing folks around us.
This comes from one of my recent social exchanges-
7. Some people bash technology for the perceived (perception may be wrong!) negative impact it is causing to the environment and to our daily life and still use it at every step in their daily life.
You drive to work in a car and don't car pool, keep running air conditioning 24x7, invent reasons to fly frequently for that 'very important' customer meeting (don't you know teleconference and now telepresence exists), take prints for every rough draft, and do many such things without which you can't be what you are today. Then you forget to plant trees, buy cheap stuff so that you don't have to pay extra for organically grown things and many more. You are the wise human. Who is causing negative impact, technology or you?
P.S. These are my heartfelt observations. No offence is intended to anyone!
1. Although, most of us are ardent supporters of free speech, but we easily get offended if the other person speaks about our own shortcomings.
If free speech is about honest opinion then why do we compel our innocuous speakers (people we converse with) to be politically correct all the time?
2. The same guy who fasts 9 days and climbs bare feet to the Mata Vaishnodevi Shrine every season religiously, misses no opportunity to harass women around him.
Why do they worship female forms made up of stone and plaster when they don't have any reverence for the actual living woman? If you can't rever her as a woman then atleast give her the status of a human being.
3. We teach our children about truthfulness, originality, respect for elders, social responsibility, and other supposedly moral ways of living and everyday provide them an absolutely contradictory life experience at home, school, and at play.
Why do we teach them of truthfulness when we lie blatantly in front of them? Why do we teach them about brotherhood and respect for elders when we fight with our kin over property issues and other unimportant things? Why do we teach them social responsibility when we litter on roads, streets, parks, everyday? Are not we growing up a confused generation who would ultimately learn to not to trust us?
4. In suburban Gurgaon, host to numerous (and almost most of the prime) MNC, KPO, BPO, R&D operations, data travels @ 9.6 Gbits/sec across continents, but vehicular traffic crawls @ not more than 20-30 kmph (its not uncommon for it to jam completely at peak hours.)
We help run businesses across the globe, but fail to build sustanable & empowering transportation (to make it even worse we fail to imbibe civic traffic sense.) We speak their [our global counterparts] language, but fail to learn certain good values from them. We sell our hardwork to them, but don't buy their cultural strengths (which come @zero investment.)
5. Beauty lies skin deep, in a healthy body, in strength of character, and in the beholders eyes, yet color cosmetic brands, plastic surgeons, crash diet consultants, and anorexic models are a multibillion $ and growing industry.
Why don't we invest wisely in long term benefit plans?
6. Kids and elders need our time, attention, and care, we offer them financial benefits.
As they grow, kids witness perplexing events around themselves everyday, and they need someone to explain things as they are and why they are. As they grow old, elders have lots of observations to share with us as they are and why they are. Sometimes these questions and observations are impertinent to the daily life pressures we face as adults. But, kids are investments and elders are treasures. Why don't we take care of these garrulous yet amazing folks around us.
This comes from one of my recent social exchanges-
7. Some people bash technology for the perceived (perception may be wrong!) negative impact it is causing to the environment and to our daily life and still use it at every step in their daily life.
You drive to work in a car and don't car pool, keep running air conditioning 24x7, invent reasons to fly frequently for that 'very important' customer meeting (don't you know teleconference and now telepresence exists), take prints for every rough draft, and do many such things without which you can't be what you are today. Then you forget to plant trees, buy cheap stuff so that you don't have to pay extra for organically grown things and many more. You are the wise human. Who is causing negative impact, technology or you?
P.S. These are my heartfelt observations. No offence is intended to anyone!
Monday, April 28, 2008
the ToI is eroding my faith on Scientific Research !
I have been an avid reader of the Times of India (ToI) and I don't even remember since when! May be since I started making some sense of the jumble of words in school text books.
I today understand why I took to the ToI so religiously. The English mesmerized elders (all bhaiya's, didi's, uncles, coaches, guides and neighbours who had made it to be someone) held the paper to be sort of a magic potion - drink it and the language would get integrated in your DNA. I am worried today that the DNA might have got mutated.
Well, that's about the fixation with the ToI. Let me focus back to the ToI and the scientific research. The following article appeared in the ToI lately:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Earth/Are_we_heading_for_ice_age/articleshow/2975016.cms
Till about yesterday, the paper ran a feature on global warming, making us enlightened about how many degrees of temperatre will cause how much of the polar ice to melt and which all cities will get extinct? I boosted the sample dose provided by the paper by taking a regular shot of documentaries and features on the subject from varied resources. Thankyou friends for you unfailingly supplemented me with whatever you learnt on global warming. I am sorry all you kiddos, who visited my home on birthdays, diwali, etc. and I made you watch the re-runs of 'an inconvenient truth', 'the climate camp', .....
And today, suddenly THE GLOBAL WARMING IS OVER !!!
Its not only over, but has given way to yet another monster ready to wipe out the human civilization from the face of the planet. The world has cooled quickly between January last year and January this year, by about 0.7C. The enlightened scientific community predicts this is the begining of yet another ICE AGE.
This brings some childhood memories to the fore, even before Global Warming was heard of, we were worried about ICE AGE.
First Ice Age, then Global Warming, and then Ice Age again. So what is it that is actually threatening us? Honorable scientific community and media, please make your mind first. Surprisingly, this is not only about Global Warming, it is about all you publish about scientific research....
Today eating less is healthy; tomorrow eating less is unhealthy......
Today tea is good; tomorrow tea is bad......
Today chocolate is good; tomorrow chocolate is bad......
I am simply getting nuts with the state of contradiction.
I am taking to believe that today much of the scientific research is about putting forward contradictory theories. And in the process 'they confuse the common people like me.'
Dear ToI, I am not a victim anymore !!!
I have taken to Google news and now receive alerts for news according to my interest.
I today understand why I took to the ToI so religiously. The English mesmerized elders (all bhaiya's, didi's, uncles, coaches, guides and neighbours who had made it to be someone) held the paper to be sort of a magic potion - drink it and the language would get integrated in your DNA. I am worried today that the DNA might have got mutated.
Well, that's about the fixation with the ToI. Let me focus back to the ToI and the scientific research. The following article appeared in the ToI lately:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Earth/Are_we_heading_for_ice_age/articleshow/2975016.cms
Till about yesterday, the paper ran a feature on global warming, making us enlightened about how many degrees of temperatre will cause how much of the polar ice to melt and which all cities will get extinct? I boosted the sample dose provided by the paper by taking a regular shot of documentaries and features on the subject from varied resources. Thankyou friends for you unfailingly supplemented me with whatever you learnt on global warming. I am sorry all you kiddos, who visited my home on birthdays, diwali, etc. and I made you watch the re-runs of 'an inconvenient truth', 'the climate camp', .....
And today, suddenly THE GLOBAL WARMING IS OVER !!!
Its not only over, but has given way to yet another monster ready to wipe out the human civilization from the face of the planet. The world has cooled quickly between January last year and January this year, by about 0.7C. The enlightened scientific community predicts this is the begining of yet another ICE AGE.
This brings some childhood memories to the fore, even before Global Warming was heard of, we were worried about ICE AGE.
First Ice Age, then Global Warming, and then Ice Age again. So what is it that is actually threatening us? Honorable scientific community and media, please make your mind first. Surprisingly, this is not only about Global Warming, it is about all you publish about scientific research....
Today eating less is healthy; tomorrow eating less is unhealthy......
Today tea is good; tomorrow tea is bad......
Today chocolate is good; tomorrow chocolate is bad......
I am simply getting nuts with the state of contradiction.
I am taking to believe that today much of the scientific research is about putting forward contradictory theories. And in the process 'they confuse the common people like me.'
Dear ToI, I am not a victim anymore !!!
I have taken to Google news and now receive alerts for news according to my interest.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Don't follow your dreams... Chase them
My friend's status message declares authoritatively "Don't just follow your dreams, chase them." A very impactful declaration indeed!
I was told that "there is immense unharnessed 'power of meaning' in words spoken mundanely." If that is true, then I seek to discover the 'power of meaning' that this simple yet impactful statement is so bulgingly pregnant with. Let my friend's insight not pass just as another 'run-of-the-mill' quote, adorning peoples linguistics.
However, before we move any further, it is necessary to understand what is the meaning of a dream. I will define it like this "a dream is a desired state of being". Sometimes, it is a subconscious desire and many a times a desire of the conscious mind. For practical matters, we'll talk about dreams of the conscious mind, for what will you follow when you are not even conscious about its existence?
So what happens when this 'desired state of being' .... being a team leader than being lead by one, being able to travel in luxury, being able to take international vacations, being in the comfort of your desired home...and many more........ is achieved?
I would here diverge a bit and quote the story of the owner of the crystal store from the alchemist: the old Crystal Merchant of Tangier had one dream since his childhood 'to be able to visit Mecca'. However, he still chooses to not to visit Mecca as he is afraid that if his dream is realized, he will have no reason to live !!!
Those who just follow their dream(s) lose their reasons to fight for, to work for, to grow, to become better, once that dream is realized. They enter into a State of Stasis. And Stasis is Death. The dreams are thus not to be followed, but to be chased....and what a perpetual chase it is !!!
The men and women of substance dream, fulfill the dream, and dream bigger every time a dream is achieved. It is about harnessing your hidden potential everyday. It is about exceeding your own expectations everyday. It is about emerging a winner everyday. And, in this quest they become the people who choose destiny to put them on higher pedestals as icons.
I was told that "there is immense unharnessed 'power of meaning' in words spoken mundanely." If that is true, then I seek to discover the 'power of meaning' that this simple yet impactful statement is so bulgingly pregnant with. Let my friend's insight not pass just as another 'run-of-the-mill' quote, adorning peoples linguistics.
However, before we move any further, it is necessary to understand what is the meaning of a dream. I will define it like this "a dream is a desired state of being". Sometimes, it is a subconscious desire and many a times a desire of the conscious mind. For practical matters, we'll talk about dreams of the conscious mind, for what will you follow when you are not even conscious about its existence?
So what happens when this 'desired state of being' .... being a team leader than being lead by one, being able to travel in luxury, being able to take international vacations, being in the comfort of your desired home...and many more........ is achieved?
I would here diverge a bit and quote the story of the owner of the crystal store from the alchemist: the old Crystal Merchant of Tangier had one dream since his childhood 'to be able to visit Mecca'. However, he still chooses to not to visit Mecca as he is afraid that if his dream is realized, he will have no reason to live !!!
Those who just follow their dream(s) lose their reasons to fight for, to work for, to grow, to become better, once that dream is realized. They enter into a State of Stasis. And Stasis is Death. The dreams are thus not to be followed, but to be chased....and what a perpetual chase it is !!!
The men and women of substance dream, fulfill the dream, and dream bigger every time a dream is achieved. It is about harnessing your hidden potential everyday. It is about exceeding your own expectations everyday. It is about emerging a winner everyday. And, in this quest they become the people who choose destiny to put them on higher pedestals as icons.
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